Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
