I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
