if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
