I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
