R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
