Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
