last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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