I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
