Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
ugly people sure do ruin things
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
