He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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