Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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