The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I wish I only lived at night.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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