Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
