one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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