so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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