I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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