Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
