I will die if light touches me.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
