Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
