6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Randomize
