Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
