i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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