Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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