I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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