I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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