I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
