Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize