3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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