Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
