There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
