watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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