My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
