Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
