My hand turned me down
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
