i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
