guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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