ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
