i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
