Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
