2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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