Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
