You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
