I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
