I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
