Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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