It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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