using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
