Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
