What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
