Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
