I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
