how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
