He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
