I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
