Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Randomize
