Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
