Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
